There is no one gender that has a monopoly on not being in the moment during lovemaking. When it comes to a wandering mid-coitus mind, women are just as likely as anyone to be thinking of any number of things, other than what’s happening right there in front of them.
It should be no surprise that women will let their minds wander during lovemaking. It is, after all, only human to do so: rather than being fully in the moment, who hasn’t had their mind occupied with their to-do list for the next day? And while there are some common thoughts that both women and men will have during sex (“Am I doing it right?”, “Are they going to come?”, “Did I leave the oven on?”), there are some that are specific to women, such as:
“I shouldn’t have peed before this.”
During sex, bacteria from your shared fluids skin cells and so on can get forced into her urethra, which leads to a pretty painful urinary tract infection (UTI) if they’re not flushed out ASAP. When she heads off to the bathroom very shortly after the lovemaking, it’s very likely that she’s taking a pee in order to flush out any of the aforementioned stuff that can pose a problem later on.
“I could use a bit of assistance”
If she reaches down to give herself a helping hand, you had better not take it personally, you gigantic baby. When a woman begins to pleasure herself during sex, it’s not because she’s unsatisfied with the lovemaking. If anything, she’s trying to even better enjoy the moment–the moment that you are also a part of. What a good partner does is, rather than take it as a signal that they’re not good enough, gets actively interested in what gets their partner off. Pro tip: bringing a sex toy into the bedroom to use during lovemaking ensures that both of you come away happy.
“Did we need to have pizza–again? I feel so bloated!”
Of course, everyone has hang-ups about their bodies. Women in particular, however, have been subject to an epidemic of body-shaming tactics that, understandably, can leave many feeling inadequate. What can you, their partner, do about it? Aside from being there for them without preconditions is a good start. And for any clueless fellas that might be reading, maybe reconsider your meal choices before getting into bed together, because who wants to have sex with a bellyful of pizza or chicken wings?
“His beard smells like pizza grease!”
Of course, we all practice good hygiene, with a daily shower and washing our hair a couple times a week. However when in pursuit of sex, guys can be pretty single-minded and lose track of some things as they home in on their goal. Remember that you are what you eat–and when you go out to eat just before getting as intimate as possible with another person, what you eat can be a barrier. Before bedding down with someone, you can put their mind at ease by giving yourself a quick look in the mirror, not to mention a discreet breath check–it’s literally the least you could do!
“Would he just hurry up and come already?”
Sometimes, it’s just not gonna happen for her. Other times, she may have agreed to sex out of a desire to get you off, and not necessarily herself. It’s a little hard to tell the difference, which is why a woman having this thought should clarify (“Come for me” is a good prompt) rather than have their partner huffing away for a climax that just will not come.
“Don’t come yet!”
Other times–we hope most times–she is having sex with a goal in mind, and that goal is the climax. As with so many things in love and sex, communication will go a long way to making sure that both partners get what they want. This can be either by giving directions (“slower!” “deeper!” “give me head!”), or by taking matters into their own hands, either literally with their hands or by bringing a vibrator into the mix.