Let’s get one thing straight right now: If you want to have sex on the first date, you have every right to finish your pinot and do the damn thing.
Unless you’ve made the personal choice to hold out until you hit a specific dating milestone for your own reasons, you’re under no obligation to keep your sexuality on lockdown.
You first want to figure out what’s making you question having first-date sex.
Religion, family expectations, and experiences such as being slut-shamed, are just three of the many influences that inform the way you think about your sexual self.
Oftentimes, people just “stumble their way” into their sexual lives without taking note of the attitudes they’ve adopted along the way. In fact, people rarely consider their personal guidelines for sex.
Instead, you might consider yourself adventurous in bed or consider intimacy sacred without ever considering the why behind it.
If anything is going to stop you, it should be how well (or not well) you know someone.
Now that you did your homework about your opinions toward sex on the first date, it’s time to clear up other factors that might be causing you to pause.
The worry or fear that your date won’t respect you after first-date sex should never be the reason you keep your dress zipped or jeans buttoned. Honestly: If you actually think this person is capable of that, do you really want to sleep with them, anyway?
The only thing that should really stop you, if anything, should be your comfort level with this person and whether they hold up to your dating standards—if that is, you’re looking for an eventual relationship with them.
First-date sex can be a bit unpredictable.
About enjoying it…
Since this is a new person, you’re getting to explore a body you’ve never experienced this kind of intimacy with, which is incredibly exciting. That can make the sex extra amazing, thrilling, and gratifying.
But sex on the first date can also flop. Though the conversation at dinner may have turned you on, their performance in bed might not be what you hoped for. They’re getting to explore a new body, too, and they might not know how to work yours yet. You may like different things from your former partners and vice versa.
The sex might close out the courtship, or start it.
What happens after sex on the first date can go one of a few ways.
Since you’ve only gone out once, your date might consider the entire date (sex included) a one-time thing. The best way to avoid this is to chat about what they’re looking for ahead of time. Sure, they might not be totally honest with you, but it’s worth trying, anyway.
In another scenario, they might want sex with you again but pass on the dinner and drinks next time. That’s a good indication that they view your connection as more of a physical one than an emotional one, and it’s up to you if you feel the same.
Another shitty possibility: If they’re harbouring sexist views about women and sexuality, they might not consider you a potential partner anymore because you were willing to be sexual early on. This is a disgusting double-standard and a sure sign that your date is trash and not worth your time. My condolences.
On the other hand, though, sex on the first date (or even what you thought would be a one-night stand!) can indeed evolve into a romantic relationship. In fact, “it happens all the time,”.
Sex can give you a good sense of whether you and your date are a good match. Sure, similar outlooks on life and mutual respect are major, too, but considering your sexual compatibility (and openness toward sex in general) can and should weigh into that, too.
Don’t forget to protect yourself.
Just as much as you want to take precautions to protect your heart in dating, you need to protect your health, too.
Since it’s just the first date, so “you might not know the history of this person like you might in a more evolved relationship”. For that reason, it’s important that you’re being safe and direct by using necessary contraception and asking your date about their sexual history.
Once you get on the info you need, keep in mind that since you might not know this person very well, you should probably still use condoms.